Gratuitous Impiety

In Brief: Hillary Opens Campaign Office at Las Vegas Hospital

By |October 3rd, 2017

Before any of the bodies have even been buried, Hillary Clinton opened her 2020 campaign office in a Las Vegas hospital "to be accessible to family members for comfort, and to be responsive to their concerns about the first woman president, how I was cheated, reproductive rights, and how I am doing after my devastating loss to Donald Trump."

Green Bay Packers Invite Fans to Interlock Arms During Anthem, Honor Rockettes Instead

By |September 29th, 2017

Breaking: The Green Bay Packers invited fans to join them in interlocking their arms during the national anthem as a show of solidarity with the football team, and Broadway. Already gearing up for a potential Superbowl half-time performance, the Packers were not concerned about audience disapproval, it seems, and have been training with the Radio City Music Hall Rockettes in NYC.

Hillary’s Garden Hose Nervously Waiting to Be Blamed For Election Loss

By |September 22nd, 2017

It's coming. You know it, I know it, her garden hose knows it.

Sleepless Jeff Bezos Still Has Millions of “What Happened” 1 Star Reviews to Delete

By |September 15th, 2017

A sleepless Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, distraught over the poor reception of Hillary Clinton's latest book, has gone six days without batting an eye in a desperate effort to delete millions of one star reviews of Clinton's latest book What Happened. He is also in a lot of pain from the carpel tunnel syndrome he has from repeatedly hitting the delete key hundreds of thousands of times.

Local Woman Happy as Fuck She Caused Hillary to Lose

By |September 14th, 2017

Linda V. Clemmons, 24, admitted today that her refusing to vote in 2016 was "the key reason Hillary Clinton got her ass handed to her on a platter" in the presidential election and that it makes her "happy as a fucking clam that she lost."